March 7 / 1:25 pm Tyler's last moments.
by Vivian Ketchum on Wednesday, March 16, 2011 at 11:44pm
Monday morning. I woke up quickly and glanced over to the hospital bed to see if my son was still with us.
My son was losing his brave fight with a brain tumour and family members were spending the last moments with him. It is has been little over four months since the diagnoses and I was feeling a sense of disabelief at how quickly I was losing my son. Now it was possible only hours not a life time that I had with my son.
I got up and went over to his bed and gave him a hug and kiss. It felt great to hug him with out any tubes or machines in my way.Just feeling the warmth of his cheeks and hands gave me a false sense of hope that he would be alright, but then I would listen to his laboured breathing and the reality of the situation would hit me. My son was dying and soon.
I put some gospel music on and washed up my face. I walked around the tiny room and my son's dad , Lenny was there and was my son's auntie, Pauline.
I was planning on going home for about hour to wash up, but Tyler's last moments was near, so instead I phoned rev Margaret to let her know that Tyler's breathing had changed.
I went and sat by his bed and rememberly fondly of the moments that I first brought him home as a baby. How I kept touching him. Smelling the newborness. Examining his tiny fingers and toes, awed by how perfect they seemed to me.
Now that my son's last moments were close, I agained touched his arms and hand, gently. Putting my head on his hand and letting my tears flow onto his hand. I could smell the faint smell of his dad's cigerette smoke mixed with our son's unquie smell. I was trying my best to memorized my son's features, smell and how he felt, the warmth of his hands and face. I neded to capture these memories .
My son's dad was also doing what he could to capture his private memories of our son,by tenderly washing his face, ears and hands. Clipping his toes nails and making sure his fingersnails were trimmed neatly. Just like when our son was a baby.
Just then, Rev Margaret stepped into the room and had brought lunch with her. We sat around my son's bed side and ate. I glanced at the clock wishing that I could turn it back.Back to when my son was healthy and full of life. Suddenly there was change in my son breathing and I put my hand on his chest , his heart was beating rapidly. I glanced at the Rev, then Lenny told us he needed to step out for awhile.
I was still sitting by my son's bedside holding his hand, his auntie, Pauline at the end of the bed,holding his feet and the Rev was holding his other hand. I kept telling my son that I loved him and that I would be alright, then I realized that he would be missing me also. I put my hand up too his cheek and then felt his face nudging it gently. My son was in a deep coma and shouldn't have been able to move at all. my son was letting me that he loved me. Earlier he was twitching his finger, when his dad was sitting next to him and giving his auntie slight hand squeezes. My baby was letting us know he loved us.
It was twenty after one and my son was giving his last breaths , I was breathing with him until the Rev told me to breath normal. Five minutes later, my son was shrugging his shoulders as he was throwing off his physical body and breathe his last gasp and then I actually saw something leave his body. The Rev asked my sister , Pauline to get the nurse , who came to check his vitals. There was still a heart beat but very weak. Then at 1:45, my son's eyes opened up and they were very clear. I wish i could have seen what he was looking at that moment. Awe and light were what I saw in his eyes. Then my son's face went very pale and his heart beat ceased to beat.
My baby was gone.
When my son's last moments came, it was very peaceful. I held his hand. I think Tyler waited for his dad to leave the room befoore he left, maybe knowing this was very difficult for his dad.
When his dad came back into the room, Rev Margaret Mullin told lenny thato ur son was gone.Lenny collasped on his knees by the bed in tears.
